Let’s face it this is for some the white elephant in the room. A taboo subject in many cultures we sometimes refuse to acknowledge, although this is something that happens more than we know it could be your sister, the woman sitting next to you on the train a coworker or sadly you. The thing is many people do not know what to say or what to do when loss occurs especially not the loss experienced through a miscarriage. How does one bring it up, how can we properly heal what we are afraid to speak of. How can we process such strong emotions! Emotions that can sometimes seem extremely over whelming almost to the point of suffocation. I know when people say they know what you are going through it can be such a blanket statement but take it from a mama that has experienced this not once but twice, second time around not as devastating thing as the first time. The first time knocked the wind from my body and almost took every little ounce of shine I had left. It was a blow I was neither mentally or spiritually prepared for so I had thought. We all get into those places where we feel there is simply no way we are going to get through this. maybe you are at that place now where you can see no end to the pain, the crying, the never-ending questions, the emptiness that is in your heart, how does one even begin to pick of the pieces? Well beloved, I have 5 ways to help you overcome the grief that has come with such a devastating loss. This is not a coping strategy but ways you can get yourself back together! It may take time, but you will recover! Remember weeping may endure for a night or in this case many nights but joy is coming beloved!
- Be honest- the best thing you can do is not hide how you truly feel no matter how deep and ugly that may look you have to let it out, confide in your spouse, your friends, your journal, confession brings healing, if you feel guilty say it, if you feel afraid say it, the faster you bring those negative feelings to light the better, I learned the beauty in being vulnerable sometimes my hubby would just let me cry because honestly that’s all I could do the first time, I was afraid, I felt ashamed, but the moment I let those feelings out and expressed them God was quick to confront them with his promises, and his thoughts toward me, loss of a child can take a huge jab at your self-image and self-esteem I felt like a failure, like my body had failed to do the one thing it was created to do, and I couldn’t do it, I made the mistake of falling into agreement with my sadness and self-pity, but the moment I expressed it verbally his word was there! Even if you feel mad at God, express it! Your confessions will heal you!
- Prayer and Scriptures- the Bible tells us that Jesus is our safe place, a refuge a very present help in times of trouble the righteous run in and are saved! Beloved his presence is a safe place I know the last thing you are going to think about is praying or reading but I found my greatest peace in the scriptures there are so many verses that will help ease your mind and your heart, that may seem to be shattered, one verse that I stood on is “psalm 94:19 when my anxiety was great with in me, your consolation brought joy to my soul” another was he will never leave us comfortless God is not afraid to prove himself to us and what better time than in our darkest time,(psalm 23) walking through the dark valleys, prayer is going to be your life line, cry out to him with everything in you my prayers would start off would just tears, then progress to thanks because although my child didn’t make it I was still blessed to carry them, I’m still blessed to be alive to carry on and try again. I’m blessed because I’m in my right mind! Prayer beloved is your source, the scriptures will be your comfort and peace.
- Forgive your self- this type of grief of child loss is a blow to your self-confidence, don’t blame yourself, no matter if it was from complications or just natural just simply forgive yourself! IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT say it over and over until you believe it!
Guard your thoughts- this may seem hard to do because of how much your mind can be gone from happy thoughts to sad thoughts in a matter of seconds, but this is a place where the enemy will try to trap you, and if we give him any doorways he will take it, so how can you maintain a healthy thought life during loss, by watching what you allow to enter into your mind, if you have a negative thought, get rid of it with the word of Christ this is why step 4 is so important to get into the word and know the word! If we dwell on sadness we will be sad, if we think we are never going to get over the loss of our children, then you never will, start with positive affirmations, train your mind to be thankful, to respond with peace, and joyful thoughts yes you are allowed to be sad but grief is not your finale destination, you are just passing through.
- GRACE and space- give yourself a lot of it but don’t allow your grief to determine the length it will take for you to heal that is up to you! You are strong, you are more than enough a loss doesn’t make you less, yes it will take you time to learn how to apply these things but the faster you apply them the faster you can heal, Jesus heals all wounds, not time you may be feeling as if time is an enemy to you and you can’t see it, I used to think the pain would last forever I would hear people say you will never get over the loss of a child whether 6 weeks of 6 months the thing is not to get over it but to heal from it, if you allow God in what you thought would take yes could only take a few months for some a few weeks, again grief is not our finale destination you are passing through allow Jesus the time he needs to do the work you need!
This is not a fix it all steps, this is a hard process to walk through but these few steps will make your process a lot smoother and you will have to make some of these steps apart of your daily routine and that is okay! Another thing I will suggest is community! Lean on those around you, you may feel embarrassed, can I share with you with our first miscarriage the very day we decided to announce our pregnancy less than a few hours later I was in the hospital being told we lost the baby, I couldn’t even put into words how I felt to go from such an emotional roller coaster with the high of telling our friends to the very low of telling them in the same breath that the baby was gone! No matter if you were a few weeks or months your child did exist, you child was loved and wanted! I pray that you release any guilt or shame that may be over you at this moment! Again, you are enough, I pray against the spirit of fear that may trip to silence you and grip your thoughts it has no authority. You will be able to conceive again! In Gods time, just as Hannah cried out I pray her faith lives in you! I pray that you are healed in every area of your heart and that any hopelessness is washed away! Beloved this is hard yes but you can and will smile and find joy again l!
My prayer for you,
Holy father I lift up your precious one to you,thank you for their bravery, the bravery to confront such a thing as grief, we know that your word declares blessed are those that mourn for they shall be comforted, father I pray over the womb of your beloved daughter, that it lines up with your will and what you have called our bodies to do, we come against any sickness, any ailments that are not of you! thank you that you are a God who heals father, I pray that you breathe your breath of life into any areas of their hearts that are under the arrest of deep sadness we know that weeping may endure for a night but joy will come for them! Thank you father that this mourning will soon turn into dancing, I pray for their mind father, we come against the thoughts of the enemy that will come to bring them false guilt, even against the spirit of heaviness and depression, we declare that they are free to experience joy even through this tough time father I pray that your peace, your peace that surpasses all understanding will consume them like never before, give rest to their mind and to their heart, you give your beloved sweet rest! Thank you father for the great testimonies that will come forth I pray that you give them the strength and faith of Hannah to cry out to you like never before even in the midst of their pain! Thank you that you are close to them in their time of brokeness, thank you that you are the lifter up of their head! I thank you Lord that you will never leave nor forsake them!! It is in your name lord Jesus that I pray for my sister who may be reading this right pray it brings comfort!
Beloved you are loved, even if it was for a brief moment your child was loved and is now with LOVE!!! Rest knowing your little one is safe in the arms of Jesus!